A survival guide for holidays with children!

Children love holidays. Not just because they escape school and their daily routine, nor because they can visit places they've dreamed of. Holidays offer them something much more important: a connection with you! Typically, parents on holiday are more relaxed, more fun, and more emotionally available. Children often mention that their favourite summer memory is something simple and essentially free, like lying on a blanket and stargazing with you. These sweet moments are the golden experiences that shape rich childhood memories.

Children also love holidays with their extended family. They follow older cousins closely and form lifelong bonds with children their own age. These visits often shape their memories with grandparents and provide a sense of heritage.

But holidays can also be stressful. Children often stay up late, disconnect from parents, and have meltdowns from overstimulation. This phenomenon resembles a family holiday stress syndrome. (Of course, parents also experience their own version, whether due to extended family tensions, criticism from grandparents, or logistical pressures. So, the first rule for a relaxing holiday is to find a way to restore your own calm when you feel you're at your limit!)

Even if it's just your own family on a much-anticipated holiday, changes to the schedule, travel, potential delays, and even overstimulation from excitement can easily lead to tears and tantrums. Here are the best tips to help you manage life during holidays – whether summer or winter – to maximise joy and carefree moments and minimise tears.

Inform children in advance about upcoming events so they know what to expect

Before travelling with young children, you can create a small book to show them what will happen each day. (“Next, we’ll go to Grandma’s, where you’ll play with all your cousins.”) The book doesn't need to be fancy – print photos on paper and put them in a folder. Many children want to know what will happen each day to add it to their book. This helps them enjoy the anticipation and overcome any fears they may have. And seeing those smiling faces beforehand helps them look forward to connecting with relatives they don't see often.

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Prepare your children regarding the social behaviour you expect from them

Discussions beforehand help your child develop a mental image of how they should behave and the confidence to handle whatever comes their way. Role-play with them in the car before you arrive or play a game before you leave.

Keep children on their usual routine as much as possible

Children need the security of their familiar routine. Unknown events and a sense of chaotic unpredictability cause them stress. Do your best to keep them on schedule and be patient when they overreact or become irritable.

If you're flying with children, make sure you arrive at the airport early

Plan to arrive early so they can run around a bit in the airport corridor after sitting still in the car and before settling onto the plane. Change nappies and use the toilet just before boarding. If you use night nappies (more absorbent), you might avoid nappy changes during the flight. Bring small wrapped “gifts” – books, treats, puzzles, simple crafts – for each child. Children will be eager to get their hands on them as soon as they buckle up. Magnetic drawing boards always help us, as do stickers! Another good solution, though many avoid screens, is a tablet, especially when on the plane or other transport, always with their own headphones. And, even if you don't usually use screens, it's wise to have movies downloaded for your child to watch, even if there's no wifi on your flight. Make sure you have bottles, sippy cups, sugar-free lollipops, or something else to suck on during takeoff and landing if your child isn't breastfeeding (sucking helps balance air pressure in tiny eardrums).

Plan no more than one activity per day

What you want to avoid is rushing before you leave, being stressed by a busy trip involving many tantrums, and returning home needing a holiday to recover. Children tend to become grumpy and anxious with travel and changes to their routine, so plan fewer activities. Everyone will enjoy it more.

Have age-appropriate expectations for children

Don't expect a four-year-old to sit quietly while you enjoy a 7-course meal in a fine restaurant. If you've planned many adult gatherings, make sure the children have something to do. If they can read, buy them a new book they're eager to read. If they're too young for books, make sure they can watch a screen. Even if you usually all eat together, on holiday it's a good idea to feed the children earlier. That way, they won't feel pressured to "behave," and adults can enjoy their dinner. Remember that you also need to rest!

Cuddle your child every morning

Before getting out of bed. It's very comforting for children to connect with you and discuss how the day will unfold – even if it seems similar to yesterday.

Schedule some quiet, decompression time every evening

Make sure you have some favourite books from home that comfort the children.

Make sure you have a quiet time after lights out at night

To lie down with your child and listen to what they have to say about their day. Ask them about their favourite thing of the day, their worst, and what they're looking forward to tomorrow. That's when you'll hear about small problems or insecurities the child is trying to manage. Don't feel you have to intervene and "solve" the problem – the child mainly needs to be heard and their feelings acknowledged so they can learn to advocate for themselves.

Take blackout curtains with you on holiday

To help your child sleep longer in the morning and to calm them down on summer evenings when the sun sets later.

A white noise machine is always useful

So that children can sleep longer in the morning and to block out the noise of adults and older children, allowing the little ones to calm down.

Physical activity

Make sure your holiday schedule includes plenty of visits to the playground or other opportunities for children to run around and let off steam.

Quiet time

Children need time to relax, cuddle, and do whatever calms them. If they don't have this time, no one can blame them when they get overstimulated and have meltdowns. What does your child do at home to relax? Does he draw? Play with his imaginary friend? With his little figures? Make sure each day includes some rest time with your child's favourite activity to help them regroup.

Soothing activities for young children

 that work for most children:

Sand play

Put some sand in a tray, add small figures, vehicles, and a digging spoon.

Water play

At the beach or lake, or even on the back deck with a container of water. For variety, add ice cubes, paintbrushes, sponges, plastic water jugs. Toddlers love to "paint" the deck or wash the picnic table.

Soap bubbles

All children love soap bubbles. It's an activity that distracts them and reduces stress. You can make your own bubble mix (Add 3 tablespoons of glycerine and 2/3 cup of dish soap to one litre of water).

Clay / Playdough

If you're in a rented space, confine the clay to a tray or an outdoor area. Clay, Sculpey, or Playdoh are wonderful ways for children to knead and release their stress.

Pay attention to your children's food intake

Many tantrums stem from hunger. Parents are familiar with the sugar rush that makes children bounce around and then collapse in tears. Discuss limiting sugary snacks with grandparents beforehand and carry protein-rich snacks to avoid hunger crises when adults are deciding where to eat.

Time with you

Your children might be running after older cousins, but they still want and need time with you. Take the opportunity to turn off your mobile and see what kind of parent you are when you have the chance to relax and simply enjoy their presence. Do you want to lie under an umbrella with your magazine? Do that as your reward after spending five minutes in the water with your child. You'll be surprised how much more alive – and connected to your child – you feel after a five-minute water fight. And how much more cooperative your child is when you need their help.

See this holiday as an opportunity to recharge and reconnect your family

Don't try to work on holiday – it's family time. Avoid organised nights out in favour of family board games and focus on connection rather than sightseeing or structured activities.

If friends and family criticise your parenting

Parenting in public is always challenging, and children are often not at their best when out of their usual routine and schedule. Stay calm, smile, and acknowledge the other person's concern ("I hear you. That shrieking is loud!"). Then, do what you can to address their concern ("Okay, kids, put on your shoes, we're going outside, and I have a great game for us to play!"). Don't worry, it's just a case of conflicting needs, not a referendum on your parenting.

The most important advice, as always in parenting, is to manage yourself to stay calm

You are on holiday with your children, so it is by definition a 'working holiday'. And travel is stressful for everyone. But remember that your children depend on you not only to regulate their environment but also to help them regulate their mood – so you also need to maintain a state of well-being. After all, you deserve a holiday too! Make sure you take the opportunity to share childcare responsibilities with other adults, if possible, so you can have a chance to replenish your own spirit. You're never too old to have a summer holiday you'll remember forever.

Family holidays with children can be a challenge, but with proper planning and preparation, they can also become an unforgettable and joyous experience. Remember to be flexible and have realistic expectations. Embrace simple moments and create opportunities for connection with your children. Don't forget to set aside time for relaxation and calm for both the children and yourselves. Finally, prioritise your well-being and enjoy the moments your holiday offers, because these moments are what will remain indelible in your memory.